i wasn't kidding.

I know when I posted yesterday you thought it was some kind of fluke. No way, I'm back.

So here's a short and sweet update of what is going on in my life...

February 2010: peed on a stick, it read "pregnant." Much excitement, joy, terror (not to be confused with terrorism), etc. Decided to call the embryo Optimus Prime.
March 2010: went to spring training. Ate until I was sick. Slept like I was knocked up. Spent much of the month feeling like I was going to puke, and/or puking.
April/May 2010: successful 1st trimester, went public with pregnancy. Puked and puked and puked.
June 2010: at the end of May, Jesse moved to DC for his 10 week summer associate position at a law firm. Much apprehension about being home alone and pregnant for the summer. He was able to make it home for all my doctor appointments. I visited him in DC. Stopped puking! Found out Optimus Prime is a boy!
July 2010: a long month without seeing Jesse. He was too busy to travel, I was too pregnant and just didn't have the energy. I drove to DC to bring him home on July 31. I was so excited to have him home so we could prepare for the arrival of Optimus Prime. I missed Jesse so much.
August 2010: we took a little road trip through Pennsylvania to celebrate our 4th anniversary (July 29). A couple weeks after we got home, Jesse left me.
September 2010: I'm alive, Optimus Prime is alive.

So that's it! I'm not going to go into dirty details of what happened to my failed marriage. Mostly because it's none of your business and also because truthfully, at this point, your guess is as good as mine. What I will tell you is that I had no idea we didn't have a happy family until he told me. I can also tell you that I have done my best to handle this situation as a mature adult who is going to be a mother very soon. Instead of focusing on what Jesse did and continues to do, I have tried to focus on moving forward and doing what is best for me and my son. Some days I have been successful, others not so much.

Of course I could not have gotten through this without the love and support of my family and friends. Seriously. Some days I cry because of the hurt and anger and fear. Some days I cry because I can't believe how many people really love me and really do care about me and Optimus Prime. It's overwhelming and beautiful and amazing.

I am terrified about being a single mom, but at the same time, I know I won't be "single," I'll just be "without Jesse." And even then, he will be involved in his son's life and I suppose that means he'll be involved in mine. For some reason that doesn't make me feel much better.

Someday I am going to look back on this and will hopefully be proud of the way I handled the situation. Someday Optimus Prime will know how much his mama loves him and only wants what is best for him. Someday I will stop wondering how I could have fallen in love with and made a baby with someone capable of such disgusting behavior.

I hope someday comes soon.