nighty night

I am so tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

Drained.

Remember when I used to think being a single parent of a newborn was so exhausting? Yeah. I was wrong.

Single parent + mobile 10-month old + teething = exhausting

I just want Henry to feel better but the second he feels better he takes off and the chase is always on and oh my god I need a nap but first I have to do all the chores and now I have to add "clean the floors" to the list because Henry is all over the place and why am I always saying, "no Henry, you may not lick the tile floor" when I never in a million years thought of stringing those words together in a sentence but now I say them several times a day.

So I crawl in bed tonight thinking positively about kicking some insomnia ass and I put the book down and take off my glasses and turn off the light and hey by the glow of the baby monitor lights I see something on the wall so I turn the light back on and holy shit sweet mother of god it is a ginormous spider crawling up the wall right next to my bed and it's so big I could see it in the dark. Without. My. Glasses. so I grabbed a handful of tissues and I slayed the giant spider and am now wide awake drawing up plans for a spider barrier/moat/electric fence so I can sleep at some point in my life although my time would probably be better spent looking for a job so I can afford to get my own house that will probably also have spiders but maybe I just won't see them until after I get some sleep.

And yes I am aware that my grammar sucks but damn I rock a run-on sentence or three and it's more the fucked up tenses that are bugging me but not enough to go back and fix them because I'm just too tired to give a shit and I just want Henry to stop trying to lick the goddamn tile floor and all I can think of right at this moment is an awful and awfully inappropriate joke about cocaine and floors and my baby and now I'm thinking about spiders again and I'm never going to sleep tonight so I should probably go watch the train wreck that is Dance Moms not that I would ever watch that but if I did it would only be because of a giant fire-spitting spider sighting. In. My. Bedroom. Without my glasses.