hipster haven.

I recently took Henry to Impression 5 to check out their baby play room.  It was a really cold, rainy afternoon and we just needed to get out of the house for a while.  I was really impressed by the room.  It was full of fun things for him to do and he wasn't shy about exploring the different areas.  Since it was such a shit day outside, many many other parents decided to bring their babies to the play room.  I was miserable.  It has been really difficult for me to meet other parents.  I have found that being a parent is very lonely.  At a time when I feel we as parents need to support one another, instead we are constantly eying each other up and judging everything the other does.  I wish I could say I don't do it but I do.  Worse yet, I feel it from everyone I meet.  As you may know, hipsters hold a special place in my cold dark heart.  Let's just say it isn't a good place.  Hipster parents are even worse.  I had to make a new compartment in my cold dark heart just for them.  At least 5 parents told me how advanced their child was.  I didn't even have to ask!  Then one of the hipster dads who had a few minutes before nonchalantly mentioned that his kid is way too advanced for this room, asked me how old Henry was and I told him 11 months.  He said, "Oh that was the age my son was when we started to worry that he wasn't crawling.  So much for milestones!"  Wait.  He's advanced but now you tell me he didn't crawl at 11 months?  There I go judging.  But really?  I just said, "oh" because what I really wanted to say was, "It's okay to teach your kid that taking a shower and washing your hair is a good thing you dirty dirty hipster."  I thought maybe I would make a connection with a mom who was wearing a Detroit Lions shirt.  Yay!  My people!  Wrong again.  Her hipster friend came over and made a snide comment about her shirt and I heard her say, "It was only a quarter at Goodwill!" (Nothing against Goodwill, I just love the Detroit Lions and I thought maybe we had something besides Goodwill shopping in common). 

Basically it was an awful experience for me.  I wanted to hide from all the parents because each time I tried to say hi or make conversation, I think they sensed I was judging them too and had nothing to add to their conversation about latching and home births. 

Maybe it was because while Henry was playing with this toy, I couldn't stop talking to him about all the balls bouncing to the left and to the right.  I was cracking my shit up and he thought it was funny too although I think by the time I took this photo he was a little over it.  Hipsters don't think balls are funny maybe?

I realized that I was okay with not being one of their crowd when the father of the advanced kid who couldn't crawl when he was 11-months old pretty much yelled for the entire room to hear, "ISHMAEL!  We have to go now because daddy has to get back to work on his thesis!" 

Oh blue-eyed, blonde-haired Ishmael.  If you ever need to have some fun, feel free to come over and talk balls with Henry and I.  Good luck kiddo.  You're gonna need it.

(I do plan on taking Henry back to Impression 5 because there really is a ton of stuff for him to do and he had a lot of fun.  I overheard one of the employees say that the room was basically empty until 10:30 so maybe we'll go at 10, have some alone time and then when more kids come Henry can play with them for a while and then when I lose my shit at 10:35 and want to roll my eyes very dramatically right in the faces of all the parents and instead we should just leave, at least he's had some interaction with other kids even though they are dirty dirty miniature hipster kids.  I think it's okay for hipster kids to be dirty though.  Kids should be dirty.  Well, I mean, I guess there's a limit there, too.  There I go judging again.  Maybe I just don't want to admit that I have more in common with the hipsters than I think?  No, I'm pretty sure I had nothing to add to any of the conversations I was eavesdropping on.  And I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that.) 

(The next weekend I met up with some friends from high school and their kids.  We were going to to Boo at the Zoo but didn't end up getting in because the line was so long.  We ended up hanging out at a huge pile of leaves outside the entrance while their kids, I think the youngest one was 5, played in the leaves and we stood around and chatted.  I mentioned that Impression 5 seemed to be hipster haven and one of them said, "Oh so that's where they all go."  I wasn't sure if that meant they wanted to join them or not so I added a very tentative, "Yeah I didn't really fit in."  and another one said, "If you want the opposite go to Hawk Island (a park where I love to take Henry) and there you'll find a ton of single parents screaming at their kids."  Me:  "Great!  I'm a single parent!"  Them:  "Oh.  Uh. I mean a bunch of women with kids from different dads."  Me:  "Awesome!  If I have another kid it will have a different dad!"  Them:  "Oh no, I mean like, FOUR different dads."  This is why I hate people.)