conversation i never thought i would ever have with my child.

Henry likes to go to pet supply stores with me so he can watch the birdies and the hamsters and he especially likes the tropical fish.  Oh, and the boy loves turtles.  Turtles in books.  Turtles in the pond (real turtles).  Turtles in the bathtub (not real turtles).  

A couple weeks ago he went with me to a store to pick up some litter and other cat supplies.  We were looking at the hamsters and I noticed that one hamster cage was marked "males" and one was marked "females."  We were looking at the "females" because they were running around and playing even though it was the middle of the day.  Much to my surprise, as we were watching the "females," I heard the 70's porn music theme song in my head.  That's right, Henry.  Either a male snuck his way into the female cage or those are lesbians and oh.  my.  god.  They clearly like it rough.  Where did they get those whips and leather masks and handcuffs?  Okay, maybe not that rough.  It's possible that I have never seen hamster porn and that's not what they were doing at all.  But I've seen enough Animal Planet to be pretty sure we might as well have been in a dark skanky movie theater with other dirty hamsters.  Then I realized I was having this entire stream of thought.  Out loud.  While my son giggled at the lesbian (?) hamsters doing it. 

I was telling this story to his pediatrician yesterday (as you know, she also happens to be a good friend) and as she doubled over in laughter she said, "You know, Henry understands what you are saying and pretty soon he'll really understand. And someday you are going to get a call from his first grade teacher asking why Henry is telling his friends about hamster porn." 

At first this thought disturbed me and then what was more disturbing was I started to beam with pride and said, "That's my boy."