My plans for the weekend have changed once again.  Instead of spending time with a good friend and his family, I am home trying to not cry from my back pain.  There was no way I could drive for 2.5 hours and not die.  Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic but I am in a lot of pain tonight.  Ugh.  Henry is with his dad, which is good and bad.  Good because my back will get some rest and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and can start exercising so this doesn't happen anymore.  Bad because this isn't his dad's weekend and I miss him terribly.  Henry doesn't get to see his dad very much so I feel like if his dad is in town for the weekend and has time for him, I have to let him go.  Ah the joys of parenting.  It's not about me, it's about the boy.  I have never been so happy to have it not be about me.  Except I miss him.  A lot. 

This week has been tough on me.  A classmate from high school was killed in a motorcycle accident.  The daughter of another classmate from high school passed away later that same day.  I know I should be grateful for everything I have and for the most part, I am.  There are some days, however, like today, when I can't stop thinking about the disappointment and hurt and pain.  I am sad about the bullshit I have been through.  I am sad for my friends. 

I keep thinking about the first thing I told Henry right after he was born.  Henry and I were left alone in the operating room for a few moments after he was born and it was just the two of us.  I know he doesn't remember my words but I remember them and I live them and someday I will remind him and he will understand and we'll both be okay.

I know.  Rambling tonight.  Let's blame it on the pain. 

Here's a family photo from this afternoon.  I could hardly sit or stand today because of the pain shooting down my back and leg, but damn we had an amazing day.