so about that snow day.

I should know better than to get too excited about things working out smoothly in my life.  Mid-morning on that non-snow-day I got a call from Henry's teacher.  He was crying more than usual about wanting me and when she hugged him to make him feel better, he felt a little warm so she took his temperature and it was elevated a little bit.  Because he wasn't his usual self, she thought he wasn't feeling well and I should pick him up.  Yeah.  Remember not having a back up plan?  And I had a million things to do at my new job?  And I had already missed time at my new job because I had to take care of him?  None of it mattered, my boy needed me so I hung up the phone and was out the door.  Rescheduled the doctor appointment I had cancelled the day before because I thought he was doing better.  With the help of his grandparents, got him situated, ran around like crazy to get everything taken care of at work and bolted to get him to his doctor appointment.  He was in a foul mood and thankfully fell asleep in the car.  On the way to the appointment the weight of the world, my world, smacked me upside the head and I couldn't get it to stop smacking me.  All I could think was my kid was really sick, he hates day care and I need to find another one, I ruined him by staying home with him so long, how am I going to get everything done in time for Christmas, he deserves better.  By the time I parked my car at the doctor's office I thought my head was going to explode.  I sat there and sobbed.  And sobbed some more.  Checked to make sure Henry was still sleeping.  Sobbed a little more.  Didn't want to be late for the appointment so wiped my tears away.  Took a deep breath and got out of the car.   

The doctor was concerned about some noises she heard in his chest that she thought might be pneumonia-y and said we should take it easy for the next few days.  No family party on the weekend.  No school on Monday.  Lots of rest and laying low.  What a nightmare.

I had baking to do.
I had to figure out an appetizer for a dish to pass for Christmas eve.
Henry hadn't been to see Santa yet.
If he doesn't go to school he isn't going to have any friends.
My kid is going to be the weirdo with no friends.
Shopping, shopping, shopping.
I sent him to school and he might have a touch of the pneumonia.  I'm an awful mother.

When we were getting ready to leave the office I was putting his shoes on him and he wrapped his arms around my head and said, "I'm gonna squeeze ya, mom-mom.  I love ya, mom-mom."  and all that other stuff went away.

I have Henry.
We have family that loves us and supports us and doesn't even want gifts.
I can photoshop Henry into Santa photos this year if I have to.
I get to spend 2 whole days with Henry, just staying home and being together.
My job has been so understanding and flexible and kind and caring and patient.
We will be okay.
We are better than okay.
We are great.

I've come a long way since Henry was born as far as my self-esteem and my feelings of self-worth, and my freak outs are fewer and farther between.  Every once in a while I still go back to that place where I feel completely overwhelmed and ill equipped to handle any of it, let alone all of it.  And then Henry brings me back with a squeeze around my head or a joke or an, "I love ya." Two things happen.  1.  I am reminded of what is important.  Henry.  Raising Henry in a loving environment and teaching him the things that I believe are important to being a loving, respectful and intelligent human being.  2.  In focusing on that, my mind slows down enough to let the other stuff go.  Sure that stuff will have to be dealt with eventually but it will all work out in some way.

Still, let's not have anymore snow/sick days for a while.

Next post: fewer words.  more photos.  Henry's aunt and uncle and cousins gave him a little digital camera for Christmas.  He pretty much only takes photos of crotches so consider yourself warned.

snow day.

Remember when you were a kid and snow days were the best thing ever?  I now understand the look of dread on my mom's face when we heard the news on the radio.  That's right, back then we had to listen to the radio to find out if school was cancelled.  I'm old, duh.  Most of the schools in the area are closed due to freezing rain and ice on the roads.  The first thing I did when I got up this morning was check to see if anything was closed.  Shit.  Then I found the parent handbook from Henry's day care to see what it said about closing when schools are closing.  Nothing.  I decided to go about my business getting ready for work and getting Henry ready for school as if nothing was amiss.  Why?  Because I didn't have a back up plan.  I already used up all of my back up plans at the beginning of the week when Henry couldn't go to day care because he was sick  A few minutes before we were supposed to leave I decided I should not drag my kid out on the icy roads unless necessary so I held my breath and called his day care.  I almost cried tears of joy when the lady answered the phone.  They were open!  I figured I would be late for work since the roads were probably bad and I needed to take it easy but that's no big deal.  Late is better than having a 3-year-old assistant not letting me get anything done all day.  The day just got better once I realized that the main roads were fine, wet but not slippery.  The side roads, well, let's just say I only had to go on a couple and it's a good thing because to quote my brother-in-law, "I couldn't get any purchase." and slid everywhere.  Henry thought it was really funny, especially when I swore and said, "Don't say that at school!  Please don't say that at school!!"  I have a feeling I'll have a note from his teacher when I pick him up this afternoon... 

Sunday night Henry and I were talking about going to school and getting up in the morning to get ready. He said, "I'm going to sleep in.  Yes.  I will." and I thought, "yeah right, Mr. I'll Get Up At 5:30 Even If Nobody Else Is Awake Yet."  Sure enough, yesterday I had to wake him up and this morning, even though he crawled in bed with me at 4 a.m., he fell back asleep until I woke him up at 6:30.  Usually when he falls back asleep with me, he wakes up when I wake up so I was sure to see his smiling face when I was in the shower at 5:45 but nope, not today.  When I finally did wake him up today he said, "Oh.  Is it morning?  I think I'll sleep for another minute."  Really?  Already?  I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this until he was a little older.  Like a teenager. 

Here's what I realized after one full day of day care and two days of getting ready to be out the door by 7 a.m., this single parent thing is for the birds.  It takes careful coordination and planning and timing things just right and bribes.  Lots of bribes.  You don't want to sit on the potty and throw a whiz this morning?  No muffins for the car ride!  You don't want to wear underwear?  No muffins for you!  You don't want to tell your teacher when you have to drop a deucey?  Well, that has nothing to do with muffins, you'll just have poopy pants.  We did get out the door on time, after peeing and wearing underwear.

Today, anyway.  We'll see what happens the rest of the week...

I have to go shopping for more muffins.  

day one. success.

Henry went to "school" today and it could not have gone better.  As far as I know, he did not shed one tear and more importantly, when I picked him up at the end of the day, he was wearing the exact same outfit as when I dropped him off in the morning.  The whole way home he told me about his day and it was so fun figuring out what was true and what was a lie.  Not sure if I was correct on all of them but I guess it doesn't matter.  He loved it and so did I. 

Now it's 8:45 p.m. and I'm trying to stay awake.  I'm not sure how we will survive this the entire week, especially since we have a couple swim classes thrown in as well.  And then at the end of the week he goes with his dad which will probably kill us both to be apart all week and then all weekend. 

Someone start up the bar right now. 

Oh good, I already did.