sad.

Apparently Jose Canseco made up the whole finger falling off thing.  This was the one bright spot in my day and now it is gone. Thanks for nuthin' Jose Canseco. 

And yes, I know I shouldn't be sad that someone's finger didn't fall off. 

I've been sick.  Too sick to go to work this week until today.  I walked into a shit storm of well, shit.  I hate taking time off of work because of the shit storm that always occurs upon my return.  Today I didn't even have a chance to take off my coat before people were in my office needing to speak to me.  Like if they waited another five seconds, the world would end.  Sometimes it's nice to be needed.  Sometimes I just want to take off my goddamn coat. 

My day isn't all that bad though. At least my finger didn't fall off in the middle of a poker game.  Seriously.  I can't stop laughing. 

"i don't have a drinking problem. i have a problem getting caught."

That title is not about me.  It's what my ex-boyfriend told the judge after he got his second DUI.  I'm not sure why the judge didn't throw him right in jail but somehow "all" he had to do was meetings everyday for forever and was on probation for forever and had a tether for a few weeks.  It probably would have been cheaper to just go to jail, even though county jails bill inmates for their stays.

This was on my mind this morning as I walked into work and realized my half pint of Fireball is still in my coat pocket from this weekend.  Yes, I know Fireball has been recalled in some countries but I'm just going to assume those are socialist countries that actually give a shit about the health and well-being of their citizens.  Thank God I don't live in one of those.  Geesh.  In my defense, I did try to get a half pint of Hot Damn but the liquor store didn't have any. 

On Saturday Henry and I went to my niece's rugby game.  It was cold.  And rainy.  Neither of those things wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't also been windy.  It was pretty miserable.  Nothing makes bone-chilling weather a little warmer than a little booze.  I do know that alcohol doesn't actually warm you up and instead just makes your body unable to regulate temperature but whatever.  It works for me.  And it's not like I drank the whole thing.  Henry was with me and I had to drive.  My friend and I stood in the parking lot of the elementary school where the game was being played and we tried to stealthily sip from the bottle.  It was great fun, especially when my friend said, "It's like we're in high school again!"  I'm pretty sure in high school we would have been in the high school parking lot though.  My niece's team won the first game which meant they got to play in the state championship game a couple hours later.  By the time the first game was over, Henry's clothes were soaked from sliding down the wet slides on the playground and I didn't want to drink all day so we decided to go home.  By the time we got home we were all warm and toasty again (I had brought an extra change of clothes for Henry just in case he got wet, muddy, or both, as the case turned out to be) and apparently I forgot to take the bottle out of my coat pocket. 

This reminds me of another story.  One day I was at work and reached in my coat pocket to empty it out and pulled out jello shots.  I had been at my not-quite-brother-in-law's party and remembered him handing them to me as I went to leave and I guess I never got around to drinking (eating?) them.  Thankfully the lids on those disposable jello shot cups stay on tight!  My coworker was cracking up.  Actually, I think I was her supervisor. 

I don't have a drinking problem.  I have a problem leaving booze in my coat pocket.