3:30 a.m. conversation with the boy.

Him:  Mom! Mom! I had a bad dream. 
Me:  Okay okay okay (but in my head I was saying, "what the fuck is happening right now?") I'm awake it's okay I'm here ("I'm sound asleep for once and you wake me up who the fuck do you think you are?") tell me about your bad dream ("so I can go back to sleep...")
H:  there were big bees.  Really big bees, mom.  But if you stay still, the bees won't get you, right? They will leave me alone so I tried to stay still but they were the really big bees.
M:  It was just a dream but you're right, if you stay still the bees won't sting you ("I'm awake now, let's talk through this.")
H:  My daddy was there with me.
M:  Did he scream and run away?
H:  No he told me to stay still and he stayed still, too.
M:  Oh, good ("He's clearly a very different person than 5 years ago.")
H:  Mom you weren't there.  Where were you, mom?  I wanted you where were you?
M:  Henry, I was right here sweet boy.  I'm right here.
H:  I know mom.  You're always here for me.

And he was out.  Sound asleep.

M:  Henry?  You have to go back to your bed now.
H:  zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

my son loves snakes.

Last spring Henry went with his cousin and his uncle to a nearby pile of wood chips in hopes of finding snakes.  His cousin, who is 4.5 years older, claimed to love catching snakes.  When they found a snake, his cousin lunged for the snake, just missing it.  Apparently he was a very good actor and didn't really want to touch the snake.  His dad called him out on it which embarrassed him.  But then Henry made the situation worse by bending over and picking up the snake and waving it in their faces, "Here you go!  It's not hard to catch it!  I got it for you, you can take it if you want it now.  I'll find another one.  It's okay."  He was trying to help.  Nobody wanted the snake.  My brother was old enough to comfortably admit that he wanted nothing to do with the snake.  His son continued the charade and said he would catch his own and waved Henry's snake off. 

Yesterday we were at my niece and nephew's open house.  Henry's cousin found a snake and next thing you know, Henry and 4 or 5 of his cousins set off with a bucket to find the snake.  I told my sister and brother-in-law that Henry would catch the snake.  They didn't believe me because besides his 9-year-old cousin, the rest were at least 13 years old.  A little while later I looked way across the yard and could see them all peering into a bucket.  I assumed my sister was right and someone else caught the snake.  The group started making their way back across the yard, Henry riding on his cousin's shoulders.  I waved to them and my nephew pointed to Henry sitting on his shoulders and yelled, "He got it!"  Sure enough, the boys all came running up cracking up because they were all afraid to touch the snake and next thing they knew, Henry picked it up and said, "Here guys, I got it for you.  You can have it now." and put it in the bucket for them.  I told  Henry I was proud of him for catching that snake because his much older cousins couldn't even do that.  He said, "well mom, the snake was just slitherin' through the grass and I grabbed it.  It was easy.  They can do it if they try."  and then he reached for the bucket and said, "Here, I'll let it go so you guys can catch it too!  It's fun!"

Oh, the screaming.  Henry laughed.  When I stopped screaming I laughed.  Everyone laughed.  Henry was the talk of the party.  "Who is that little boy with the fly tie that can catch snakes like a boss?"

Then they let the snake go waaaaaay on the other side of the house.  

february.

Seriously?  It's February already!  I am not sure how that happened.  Time.  It's getting out of control.  There is not enough of it.  I've been sick for almost two weeks.  I need to get those two weeks back because the laundry piled up. The painting project is still there.  That furniture did not paint itself.  The dishes - well, they got washed but I wasn't happy about it.  The library book didn't get read.  Luckily, I remembered at 9 p.m. on the day that it was due that I needed to renew it.  When we first moved back I was so impressed that the library didn't charge overdue fees.  And then a few months later they musta heard about me and started charging fees.  I've only had to pay a few but only because I can renew online.  If it wasn't for that I would have to stop borrowing books because I wouldn't be able to afford it. 

It's been a busy month already, even with the sick.  I interviewed for a new job and was offered and accepted the job.  I started a new part-time job. 

Crazy, crazy times, especially because our live-in help (haha just kidding mom and dad!) took off for warmer weather and won't be back until March or something. 

Henry came home last night from his dad's and he was sad because his dad left him again.  I hugged him and he held on for a long time.  We talked about how hard it is to say goodbye and to miss someone you love.  And then we played tractors for the rest of the night.  This morning when I dropped him off at school he hugged me and held on for a long time.  Working full time and then not seeing him every other weekend is harder on us than I ever could have imagined.

It's February.  The hardest month of the year for me, when I can't stand the darkness anymore.  When I long for sunshine and warmth.  Even though most of the time I want time to slow down - I want more time to get shit done, I want more time to spend with my son - let's hope this month flies by and we will all be okay.  

happy poopy year.

We survived the holidays!  I started writing a bunch of posts and then got busy and didn't post shit.  It's probably better that way.  You can thank me later.

Henry and I spent Christmas Eve at my sister's house, Santa knew to show up there in the middle of the night.  He went a little crazy this year, something about all the presents he got for Henry's birthday but didn't give them to him because Henry got a John Deere tractor so didn't get any other presents.  And then Santa went to wrap presents for and realized, Oh shit, I have all these presents for Henry and all those birthday presents, too.  Why Santa had presents for Henry's birthday, I will never know except I suspect it's because Henry is such a good kid, Santa couldn't help himself.  When I was getting Henry ready for bed Christmas night, I asked him what was his favorite part of Christmas.  He said, "Ian."  I asked, "What about Ian?" and he sleepily replied, "Everything."  The boy has amazing cousins, and apparently one in particular.

The day after Christmas Henry left me for SIX NIGHTS.  6.  Six.  SIX.  He was with his dad so he was fine.  Where he was or who (whom? Sorry) he was with isn't the point.  He wasn't with me.  I wasn't with him.  We weren't a we.  For six nights.  The last night we weren't together was New Year's Eve.  I was with my friends.  I spend almost every New Year's Eve with these friends.  It was really great to be with them.  I drank too much.  We talked about my friend's father, who passed away on Christmas Eve.  We made plans for the next day.  We drank some more.  And then around 3 a.m. I fell into bed, exhausted because I had been awake for almost 24 hours and had been drunk for a good eight hours and I am old.  At 3:05 a.m. my peaceful trip to slumberland was rudely awakened when I realized, OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAVEN'T FED HENRY'S FISH ONCE SINCE HE'S BEEN GONE.  I almost got up and drove home even though I was an hour away and still drunk.  And then I remembered that Meijer would be open on Happy New Year Day so it was okay if Thunderstruck starved to death, she could be replaced before Henry came home. 

Henry came and we haven't stopped hugging.  He has celebrated the New Year by calling everyone he knows and exclaiming, "HAPPY POOPY YEAR!"  That's my boy.

Here are photos.  If you are my friend on the book of faces you can skip this part because you've seen them before.  We went to the mall to see Santa. 

 

I think Santa was a little drunk.  I kept telling him that kids were waving at him and he didn't care.  I started waving back to the kids and they were confused. 

Happy poopy year, my peeps!

Oh yeah, Thunderstruck is just fine.  The original one, we didn't even need a replacement!